Aligning Life Values

Get to Know Your Values

Understanding and aligning your values with your goals and aspirations is essential for feeling a sense of success and fulfillment in life. Your values are the principles and beliefs that guide your actions and decisions.

You’ll always feel successful in your actual values. When your actions and choices are in line with your core values, you're more likely to experience a sense of success and satisfaction. In other words, living in alignment with your values can lead to a feeling of accomplishment.

If you want to change your successes, you’ll want to change your values. If you're dissatisfied with the level of success or fulfillment you're experiencing in your life, it might be necessary to re-evaluate and adjust your values. Your values can impact the goals you set and the actions you take, so changing your values may lead to pursuing different types of success.

You must first know your true values to change them. Before you can effectively change your values, you need to have a clear understanding of what your current values are. Self-awareness is crucial in this process. Identifying and acknowledging your values is the first step towards assessing whether they align with your aspirations or need adjustment.

If you want to achieve a sense of success and fulfillment in your life, it's important to know your core values and assess whether they are congruent with your goals and desires. If they aren't, you may need to make changes to your values or priorities to better align with what you consider success.

Unique Values

Each individual is unique, and their values are shaped by a multitude of factors, making them highly personal and distinct. Here’s why:

Life experiences – Our values are influenced by the experiences we've had throughout our lives. Positive and negative experiences, relationships, and significant events can shape our beliefs and priorities in unique ways.

Cultural and societal influences – Cultural background, family upbringing, and societal norms all play a role in shaping our values. What is considered important or acceptable can vary greatly from one culture or community to another.

Personal beliefs and philosophies – People have different worldviews and philosophical beliefs that guide their values. Some individuals may be religious, while others are secular. Some may be guided by a strong sense of ethics or morality.

Education and learning – Formal education and informal learning also impact our values. Exposure to different ideas, philosophies, and knowledge can broaden one's perspective and influence their values.

Personality and temperament – An individual's personality traits and temperament can also influence their values. For example, someone who is naturally more compassionate may place a high value on helping others, while a more competitive person may prioritise success and achievement.

Goals and aspirations – The specific goals and aspirations an individual has can greatly influence their values. What someone wants to achieve in life can determine what they consider important and valuable.

Personal circumstances and challenges – The challenges and circumstances a person faces, such as financial difficulties or health issues, can significantly affect their values and priorities.

Because of this uniqueness and the diverse factors that shape our values, it's essential to respect and understand that others may have different perspectives and priorities. Recognising and appreciating these differences can lead to more effective communication, collaboration, and empathy in our interactions with others.

Support and Challenge

When you feel that others support your values, you will allow them into your space because you like them. When you find individuals who align with your values and beliefs, you are more likely to feel a sense of affinity or liking toward them. Shared values can create a sense of trust and comfort, making you more open to allowing them into your personal and social space.

People who share your values are more likely to encourage and support your actions and endeavours. This encouragement can stem from a genuine desire to see you succeed in your pursuits because they resonate with your goals and principles.

In relationships and interactions, having shared values can be a powerful bonding factor. It can lead to a sense of belonging, support, and cooperation, as you and those individuals are working toward common objectives or principles. This can be particularly important in personal relationships, friendships, or professional collaborations.

It's common for individuals to have strong emotional reactions when their values are challenged, and these reactions can indeed affect how they perceive and interact with others.

When someone challenges your values, it can create a sense of discomfort or even conflict. It's natural for individuals to have a negative emotional reaction in such situations. This doesn't necessarily mean you dislike the person as a whole, but you may dislike their behaviour or the specific challenge to your values.

Disliking or feeling uncomfortable around someone who challenges your values may lead you to distance yourself from them. You might prefer to avoid situations or interactions where your values are repeatedly challenged or where you expect conflict.

In some cases, individuals might label those who challenge their values as negative or mean, especially if the challenges are delivered in an aggressive or disrespectful manner. This labelling can be a defence mechanism to justify their emotional reaction.

It's important to note that while it's natural to have emotional reactions to value challenges, it's also valuable to engage in open and constructive dialogue with individuals who have different perspectives. This can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of your own values and beliefs, as well as the opportunity to find common ground or compromise. Dismissing everyone who challenges your values as negative or mean can limit opportunities for personal and intellectual growth.

Think of a person you have had a conflict with recently because you judged them regarding your values. Please don’t say no one; we’ve all had conflicts with other people.  

Think back to that time when you judged that person. Look and see where, in their life, they were. Were they achieving more than you? Now consider what you perceived what their highest values were? You’ll understand that they were speaking in terms of their unique values, not yours. 

We judge people based on values. Our values consistently change over time, and what we do in one place may not do in another. Half the world will call some people freedom fighters, and the other half will call the same people terrorists. We all judge according to our values. 

When your values align with others, your communication is very successful. When you try to project your values onto others that aren’t aligned with them, expect conflict.

Remember when you wanted someone to do something for you, and they didn’t? Think about whether you communicated in terms of your values without knowing their values?  Why should another person do something for you when it’s not aligned with them? 

Think of a person that’s important to you. How do they show their love for you? Is how they show their love for you aligned with their values? And how do you show your love for them? Do you show your love for them in terms of your values?

People will only express their love through their own value system unless they understand how to communicate with the other person’s value system.  It’s funny when some people enter a relationship; they think they can change their partner. They love the person at the beginning, just the way they are, and then they try to change them to be like themselves. This is where conflict arises.

When we honour each other’s values, we are surrounded by love. This is called the Law of Nature. 

Values Shape Your Life

List seven things that are important to you. Write them in the order of the most important at the top. Your top three values are the most important ones.

Values consistently change, so if something’s important to you at this moment, you’ll find a way to fulfil that desire. You’ll put it in the too-hard basket if it's not essential to you. People's priorities and desires can indeed evolve based on their experiences, circumstances, and personal growth.

If something is truly important to an individual at a given moment, they will find a way to pursue and fulfill that desire. On the other hand, if it's not essential to them, they may not invest the effort or resources to pursue it.

Individuals tend to prioritise activities or goals that are in line with their current values and priorities. When something is perceived as crucial or aligned with one's values, motivation and determination are often higher, making it more likely for the person to overcome challenges and obstacles to achieve that goal. Conversely, if something is not deemed essential or aligning with their values, it may be deprioritised or considered too challenging.

It's important to note that personal values and priorities can vary widely among individuals, and what is considered important can differ from person to person. Additionally, values and priorities are not static; they can shift and evolve over time as individuals undergo different life experiences and personal development.

Your values are defined by attraction or repulsion, support or challenge, likes and dislikes and so on. So, it’s essential to know your values. When your values align with your purpose, your destiny is fulfilling.

Your values are crucial in shaping your life and achieving a sense of fulfillment. Values can be influenced by a variety of factors, including personal experiences, cultural background, upbringing, and individual preferences. They often manifest in attraction or repulsion to certain ideas, behaviours, or situations, and they guide decision-making by serving as a framework for what is considered important or desirable.

For example, if one of your core values is honesty, and you find yourself in a profession or lifestyle where honesty is highly valued, your actions and choices will likely align with that value. This congruence between values and purpose contributes to a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.

It's important for individuals to periodically reflect on their values, as these may evolve over time due to personal growth, changing circumstances, or shifts in priorities. By consciously aligning your actions and decisions with your values and purpose, you can work towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

There’s a difference between false and true values. Most people don’t have a clue as to what their true values are. It’s important to know that when you disempower yourself by trying to be something you’re not, you’ll receive a lesson from the universe in some way or form. These lessons are for you to look inward, not outward. 

Discovering one's true values often involves introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to question and explore personal beliefs. Some people may not have a clear understanding of their true values, and this lack of clarity can lead to a sense of disempowerment or dissatisfaction.

Attempting to be something you're not may result in lessons from the universe. These experiences can serve as opportunities for self-reflection and growth, encouraging individuals to re-evaluate their choices and align their actions with their authentic selves.

Looking inward, implies a focus on self-reflection and understanding. Instead of attributing challenges solely to external factors, individuals are encouraged to examine their own beliefs, behaviours, and choices. This process can lead to greater self-awareness and a more genuine, fulfilling life when values and actions are in harmony.

Ultimately, the journey of discovering and aligning with one's true values is a dynamic and ongoing process, and it can contribute significantly to personal growth and a sense of purpose.

Building Yourself Up or Beating Yourself Down

You’re the expert at building yourself up and beating yourself down. No one can do that to you better than you can.

Positive self-talk involves encouraging and supportive language that reinforces a sense of self-worth and confidence. On the other hand, negative self-talk can be self-deprecating, critical, and undermine one's confidence and motivation.

Recognising this internal dialogue is a crucial step in fostering a healthier mindset. It's important to challenge negative self-talk and replace it with more positive and constructive thoughts.

Building oneself up involves acknowledging achievements, strengths, and positive qualities. It's about cultivating self-compassion and acknowledging that, like everyone else, you are a work in progress.

On the other hand, being aware of self-critical thoughts allows for their examination and, if necessary, their transformation into more constructive perspectives. Understanding that perfection is not attainable and that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth can be particularly valuable.

Developing a balanced and compassionate approach to self-talk is an ongoing process. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals, such as therapists or counsellors, can also be beneficial in fostering a more positive and realistic self-perception.

Other people’s perceptions of you reflect how you see and treat yourself. You’ll experience this building up and beating down throughout your life.  If you don’t understand why you’re doing this, you’ll either blame yourself for playing the self-wronged role or others as you’ll be playing the self-righteous role. 

If an individual has a positive self-image and treats themselves with kindness and respect, they may project confidence and authenticity, leading others to perceive them in a positive light. Conversely, if someone has a negative self-perception and engages in self-critical behaviour, this may be reflected in how others perceive them.

Experiencing both building up and beating down throughout life, speaks to the ebb and flow of self-esteem and external validation. It's not uncommon for individuals to seek validation from others, and the feedback they receive can impact their self-perception.

The idea that without understanding why this dynamic is occurring, one might either blame themselves or others is reflective of the complexity of human relationships and the potential for misinterpretation. Self-awareness plays a crucial role in breaking this cycle. Understanding why you engage in certain patterns of self-talk, self-perception, and behaviour can empower you to make positive changes.

Blaming oneself for playing a self-wronged role or blaming others while adopting a self-righteous role can be part of a defence mechanism or coping strategy. It's essential to explore these patterns, perhaps with the help of self-reflection, therapy, or discussions with trusted individuals, to gain insight into the underlying factors influencing one's behaviour and perceptions.

Ultimately, fostering a healthy self-perception involves a combination of self-awareness, self-compassion, and a willingness to understand and address the underlying factors that contribute to the way we see ourselves and how others perceive us.

https://askalida.com/store/p/same-old-problems

https://www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304

https://customerthink.com/the-power-of-value/